The Collected Schizophrenias

The Collected Schizophrenias is a collection of 13 essays written by Esmé Weijun Wang and originally published in 2019. The collection chronicles Wang’s experiences with schizoaffective, bipolar, and post-traumatic stress disorders, as well as her views on the origins and natures of these conditions. Wang is a first-generation immigrant and public advocate for the destigmatization of mental disorders in the United States. The Collected Schizophrenias received the Graywolf Press Nonfiction Prize in 2019 and the Whiting Award for Nonfiction in 2019.

This book utilizes the 2019 Graywolf Press edition of the collection.

Content Warning: This study guide contains discussions of suicide and involuntary hospitalization as well as the author’s experience with sexual assault.

Summary

In The Collected Schizophrenias, Esmé Weijun Wang provides a deeply personal account of her experiences with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as how she addressed and learned to manage her diagnoses over the years. Alongside her personal accounts of trauma, psychosis, delusions, and healing attempts, Wang also communicates her opinions on various issues such as the problems with medication and psychiatry, the ways that colleges and universities fail their students’ mental health, and popular culture’s influence on the general public’s views of mental illness.

The first essay, “Diagnosis,” explores Wang’s symptoms before her diagnosis with schizoaffective disorder. For years, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and thus received incorrect treatments. Beginning with the obscure nature of the DSM’s definition of schizophrenia, she introduces issues of stigmatization, particularly of schizophrenia and related disorders, and details current psychological theories on the origins of psychotic disorders.

Wang’s second essay, “Toward a Pathology of the Possessed,” examines popular culture’s depictions of psychosis and spiritual possession. She also discusses the murder of Malcoum Tate, a man with schizophrenia whose family murdered him after years of frustration over dealing with his illness. In this essay, Wang also criticizes several organizations’ focus on the families affected by schizophrenia and not the person with the disorder; she commends other organizations that aim to destigmatize mental illness and improve the quality of life for those with it.

In “High-Functioning,” Wang details her attempts to appear different than typical people with schizophrenia, including her meticulous fashion sense, manner of speech, and the way she chooses to tell her story. She describes two talks she gave about schizoaffective disorder, one to a group of patients and another to a group of doctors. In each talk, her approach and manner change to suit the audience. Wang notes her sense of shame in wanting to feel above other people with schizophrenia and ends by describing the relatively poor general prognosis for people with psychotic disorders.

Her fourth essay, “Yale Will Not Save You,” outlines Wang’s acceptance to Yale University and the university’s lack of care regarding her mental illness. She experienced psychosis that saw her involuntarily hospitalized, and she was eventually discharged from the university after being deemed “mentally unstable.” Wang criticizes the failures of educational institutions to protect, prevent, and help their students, who are statistically more likely than the average population to experience mental illness.

In “The Choice of Children,” Wang describes her experiences working for Camp Wish, a three-day camp for children with various mental disorders. Wang is surprised to find she enjoys the experience and bonds with one boy with bipolar disorder. She uses the anecdote of her time at the camp to explain why she feels she cannot have children, but she does not give up hope that someday that may change.

Wang’s essay, “On the Ward,” details her experiences living in a psychiatric hospital after being involuntarily hospitalized for psychosis. She notes the differences in treatment among most of the patients compared to those with psychotic disorders and the side effects caused by many of the medications administered to people with schizophrenia. Wang also explores the disturbing history of “mental asylums,” the controversial decision to close them, and how mental health facilities today remain like cages in many ways.

Wang’s seventh essay, “The Slenderman, the Nothing, and Me,” explores the recent stabbing of Payton Leutner, who was attacked by her two best friends, who believed they were doing so to help the fictional character Slenderman. Wang reflects on the realistic nature of online lore and how her experiences of being influenced by The NeverEnding Story as a child pale in comparison to what children find on the internet today.

In her eighth essay, “Reality, On-Screen,” Wang describes the issues she faces while watching movies that are overly realistic and convincing and how they often begin to blend with her reality. She compares this confusion and the lack of distinction between modern CGI and real filming, noting how it is often impossible to tell the difference. In this essay, Wang also describes the onset of psychosis and how she has learned to identify it.

In “John Doe, Psychosis,” Wang describes the effects of the abuse she experienced at the hands of a high-school boyfriend. Wang was diagnosed with PTSD after hallucinating John in various places and feeling unable to sleep. She underwent eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, which she believes helped her.

In “Perdition Days,” Wang outlines her experiences with Cotard’s delusion and the several-month-long period in which she believed she was dead. During this time, Wang sold many of her possessions and lost her motivation to engage with life. Her husband’s support reminded her of who she is.

In “L’Appel du Vide,” Wang discusses her admiration for photographer Francesca Woodman, who died by suicide at age 22. Wang respects Woodman’s frankness and honesty and admits that she, too, hopes to be immortalized through her art. Wang was inspired by Woodman to take Polaroid self-portraits during episodes of psychosis.

Wang’s 12th essay, “Chimayó,” discusses alternative healing experiences after Wang’s diagnosis with chronic Lyme disease and the prospect of disorders like schizophrenia being caused by infections. Wang outlines her trip to Chimayó with a friend for chronic Lyme treatments. There, they visited a sacred place that is said to contain healing dirt.

In her final essay, “Beyond the Hedge,” Wang details her experiences with the occult, sacred healing, and magic. She enjoys using tarot and oracle cards and has made several friends along her occult journey, including one who teaches her about the realm beyond reality that psychic people have access to. Wang ends her collection by stating that she no longer has hallucinations or delusions and now knows how to fend off psychosis when it starts.