Sociopath: A Memoir

Sociopath: A Memoir (2024) by Patric Gagne offers a personal exploration of sociopathy through the author’s life story. From a young age, Gagne recognized her lack of typical emotional responses and tendency toward antisocial behavior. The memoir charts her journey from a misunderstood child to her PhD in psychology and career as a therapist. The narrative provides a rare inside look into the life of a sociopath who seeks understanding and acceptance in a society quick to judge. The book has been noted for its insightful and candid portrayal of sociopathy, challenging conventional views and emphasizing the importance of representation. 

This guide is based on the 2024 Bluebird e-book edition.

Content Warning: The source material includes descriptions of sociopathic behavior, violence, the harming of animals, and suicidal ideation.

Summary

By the age of seven, Patric Gagne knows she is different from other children. She experiences happiness and anger but not “social emotions” like love, empathy, guilt, and shame. Her overriding sense of apathy creates pressure in her head that sometimes compels her to do “bad” things. One day, her mother finds a locket Patric has stolen. Unperturbed, Patric reveals a box full of stolen items.

Patric’s behavior continues to trouble her mother. She walks home from a slumber party in the middle of the night, shuts the neighbors’ daughters outside in the dark, and locks a group of girls in the school bathroom. When a girl named Sydney is mean to her, Patric stabs her in the neck with a pencil and immediately experiences a sense of elation and peace. Mrs. Gagne is increasingly distressed by these incidents but emphasizes the importance of being honest so that she can guide Patric and keep her safe.

Patric moves to Florida with her mother and younger sister, Harlowe, when her parents split up. She does not experience fear and narrowly escapes abduction after following a man who claims he has kittens. On a visit to her grandmother, Patric gives in to the compulsion to pick up a cat from the street and squeeze its neck. She dispassionately watches the cat struggle before releasing it. When Patric is 11, she visits the prison where her uncle works. Learning that many of the prisoners are sociopaths who do not experience guilt or fear, Patric suspects she is like them. She looks up the word “sociopath” but cannot find it in the dictionary.

Patric adores her pet ferret, Baby. However, when her mother breaks the news that Baby has died, she feels nothing and continues watching the television. The next day, her mother and Harlowe bury Baby while Patric is in school. Patric is furious, believing she was excluded as a punishment for her lack of emotion. She throws a glass pitcher at her mother and attempts to flush Mrs. Gagne’s ruby earrings down the toilet. Later, she overhears her mother saying she may have to send Patric to a boarding school. Patric decides she must apologize and appear to conform to her mother’s expectations. This means she can no longer be honest with her.

Patric’s compulsion to transgress boundaries continues, but she makes a rule not to hurt anyone. Mrs. Gagne is a real estate agent, and Patric steals her keys to enter and explore empty houses. She also spies on passersby and stalks a man walking a German Shepherd dog. Following him home, she watches him and his happy family through the window.

Patric struggles to make friends, as other children are wary of her. When she is 14, she falls in love with 17-year-old David at summer camp. David is kind and thoughtful and experiences a full range of emotions. Patric confides in him about her antisocial impulses, and he is non-judgmental. Their romance is Patric’s first taste of true companionship.

Patric goes to UCLA, hoping for a new start. In her psychology classes, she learns that sociopaths behave destructively in a subconscious attempt to feel emotion. As Patric cannot experience the same range of feelings as a “normal” person, she decides to fake them. She copies the mannerisms and facial expressions of other students and is immediately more popular. Patric feeds her antisocial compulsions by stealing the keys of drunken college boys at parties and joyriding in their cars.

Patric researches sociopathy but finds little useful information. The condition is not listed in diagnostic texts, as medical professionals have replaced it with the term “antisocial personality disorder.” However, Patric notices that the criteria differ. Available literature suggests a poor prognosis for sociopaths and psychopaths, indicating they are unable to maintain meaningful relationships or stick to a life plan. Feeling hopeless, Patric jumps from her balcony but lands on the grass unharmed.

Patric notes how sociopaths are uniformly depicted as evil in mainstream culture, and most information suggests sociopathy is untreatable. However, she finds data indicating that, unlike psychopaths, sociopaths may be able to learn social emotions. As approximately 5% of the population is estimated to have sociopathy, Patric wonders how other sociopaths manage their symptoms.

Patric begins seeing a psychologist, Dr. Carlin, who officially diagnoses her as a sociopath. After graduating, she works for her father in music management. Patric feels accepted in the industry, as many of her colleagues claim to have sociopathic tendencies, including record label executive Jennifer. However, Patric is horrified when Jennifer reveals she did not intervene when her vicious dog attacked and killed her neighbor’s dog. Furthermore, to conceal the incident, Jennifer moved the neighbor’s dog so that it appeared to have been run over. Patric is furious at Jennifer for appropriating sociopathy to excuse her lack of scruples. She breaks into the house of Jennifer’s boyfriend and stands over Jennifer as she sleeps, fantasizing about hurting her.

Patric and David reconnect and move in together. Although Dr. Carlin warns her the effect will be temporary, Patric believes she is cured by love. She continues to break into houses but insists it is no longer a compulsion. Knowing that David disapproves of her illegal actions, Patric leaves a Statue of Liberty keychain on the hall table to indicate when she has transgressed social boundaries. That way, David can decide whether he wants to know the details.

Patric’s friend, Arianne, is convinced that her boyfriend, Jacob, is cheating. She persuades Patric to go into Jacob’s house while he is out and read his journal. Patric does so and discovers Jacob is innocent. However, she feels uncomfortable about her actions and is angry when Arianne pushes her for more details about Jacob’s journal. Patric feels Arianne has exploited her sociopathic tendencies.

In her next appointment with Dr. Carlin, Patric suggests that her anxiety is prompted by society’s perception of apathy as a negative trait. She argues that if innate apathy was not viewed as a character flaw, sociopaths might be able to control their destructive urges. Dr. Carlin suggests that Patric should go to graduate school and write a book to help other sociopaths.

Patric begins a PhD while still working as a music manager. David also works long hours, and their relationship becomes strained. Patric receives extortion demands from a woman named Ginny Krusi. Ginny claims to have compromising photographs of Patric’s father with young women and demands $50,000. Patric begins spying on Ginny, trespassing in her yard, and almost gives in to the urge to attack her. At the same time, she becomes friends with singer Max Magus, who encourages Patric to embrace her darker sociopathic traits.

Patric and David break up because Patric feels he is increasingly judgmental of her sociopathy, while David believes she does not care about his feelings. Beginning an internship as a therapist, Patric discovers that many of her undiagnosed patients have symptoms similar to her own. She quits the music industry to focus on helping other sociopaths. Meanwhile, Max declares that he loves Patric and is angry when she rejects him. Patric resolves that she must stop leading a double life.

Patric devises a self-treatment plan with Dr. Carlin’s help. She reunites with David, and they attend couples therapy to better understand one another’s needs. They go on to have two sons. When Patric’s first son is born, she is disappointed not to feel immediately overwhelmed by love. However, she learns to love both her children, and the emotion becomes natural. Completing her PhD, Patric becomes a therapist specializing in sociopathy. After having a high-profile essay published in The New York Times, she writes her memoir, hoping to help other sociopaths.