Red at the Bone

Iris wakes interlocked with Jam, remembering the frantic passion of last night’s meeting. She presses her nose into Jam’s long locks, inhales, and goes back to sleep. When she wakes again, Jam’s mouth is on her breast, and before Iris can stop her like she usually does, Jam reaches her nipple and milk seeps out. Jam pulls away, asking if Iris’s nipples are infected.

They have secretly been together for six months. Iris enjoys keeping the secret, but there is so much more to it—she is in love with Jam. Something about Jam absorbs her; she thinks about her all day, wondering who makes Jam laugh, torturing herself with the image of someone else touching Jam. Iris says she is not gay, though; she sees herself as only wanting Jam.

Iris whispers shamefully that it is milk leaking from her nipples. She nursed Melody for almost three years—not because Melody needed it, but because Iris did. She hoped it would establish the connection she imagined having with her daughter. It didn’t work, but Iris continued out of guilt, wanting to give at least the “physical part of her” to her child (165).

So, Iris comes clean to Jam about who Melody is to her.